@TheBoydP: Pro tip: To tell how far away a storm is, count the seconds between the lightning and the thunder and then look at your weather app.
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@mikeleffingwell: It's weird how after they couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together the King's men were like "Let's give the horses a shot at it"
@PinkCamoTO: *CRASH* *THUMP* *SCREAM* *Husband runs into bedroom* H: OHMYGOD ARE YOU OKAY? Me: Yeah. Just taking off my sports bra.