@bourgeoisalien: Probably the hardest part about being God is deciding between two equally terrible youth soccer teams that have just prayed to win.
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@UncleBob56: Cop: You appear intoxicated. Can you walk this line? Me: No problem. Stay in the car Grandma G-ma: Can he use my walker? He's been drinking.
@Holy_Mowgli: Clark Kent: *absentmindedly takes off his glasses* Lois Lane: oh my god are you … a plane?
@Notoliviasteel: I will probably never be the tallest person in the room, but I will certainly be the highest
@specialhug: People ask me the secret of a good tweet. It's called "proof-reading". Perhaps you've hard of it