@WheelTod: Probably the worst part about being a snail is how you can't put salt on your French fries.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@DiscoFruit: [dies and goes to hell] me: "mom? dad!? what are you doing here!" dad: "we used to switch your food with the dog's food sometimes."
@sgtblueeyes: Jesus walks on water and everyone is impressed. I walk on water and I'm seriously concerned about this ice breaking...
@pizzajaynow: Me: "Sorry I'm late. Car trouble." Him: "What kind of car trouble?" Me: "It doesn't go 200 miles an hour to compensate for my late start."
@CulturedRuffian: I scream, You scream, We all scream because grandma is visiting for Christmas and she forgot her hearing aids again.