@WheelTod: Probably the worst part about being a snail is how you can't put salt on your French fries.
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@ElgatoEsmio: My new dentist called me back in to make another mold of my teeth. Needless to say he made a terrible 1st impression.
@kirbys4losers: I'd rather be with a man who blows his load too soon rather than starts singing too soon in a song. How embarrassing for both of us.
@loudmouth_usa: Him: If you could have dinner with any people, living or dead, who would you choose? Me: All the dead ones
@timdonakowski: Butterflies have 1,200 eyes. That means they spend 7 months taking out their contacts every night.