@theSwellMan: Probably the worst thing about dying a virgin would be all the dead terrorists that are waiting for you.
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@PressOneForNo: When your toddlers are teenagers don't forget to wake them at 5am because your sock came off
@trumpetcake: MY NANA WAS A FREAK IN THE SACK. Now granted, we didn't stuff her in that sack often, but boy would she freak out when we did.
@CakeThrottle: Garfield creator breaks silence to give impassioned speech. "It's pronounced Jarfield" he says through tears
@HatfieldAnne: Him: You were supposed to do something about the groundhog under the deck. Me: I did. I named him Lord Melbourne. He likes Cocoa Puffs.