@theSwellMan: Probably the worst thing about dying a virgin would be all the dead terrorists that are waiting for you.
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@Sean_Burgundy_: I hate when I meet a beautiful woman and have to leave bc someone who beat me in a rap battle is walking my way
@Lazer_Cat_: Look grandma. You told me to bring something to the wake. If you meant a casserole, you should have said so. Now help me load this drum kit.
@Mehrwane: Interviewer: It says here on your resume you can make chicks laugh, how? Me [holding a chick in my hand & tickling it]: I'm a miracle worker
@ibid78: When life hands you lemons make sure those lemons aren't evidence in a murder that life's trying to frame you for.