@TheThomason: Professor X gets a lot of credit as a progressive considering his solution to a race conflict was "give them their own school."
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@thenoahkinsey: I peeled off the sticker that said "Don't consume alcohol while on medication." I don't need that kind of negativity in my life.
@TheTweetOfGod: Justin Bieber's home has now been thoroughly searched, but police have uncovered no evidence of talent.