@daemonic3: Mermaids: Can't live with them, can't beat them in a potato sack race.

@murrman5: [at funeral] "my phone is vibrating" want me to create a distraction so you can answer it? "no, are you craz- *points at casket* HE BLINKED

@Just__J0: Teaching 19 to cook, clean, and do laundry so if he ever gets married his wife won't divorce him and make him my responsibility again.

@Dawn_M_: It's been four days since I started this rap battle. I'm tired and just want to see my family.

@kristikat7: If I was Snow White you'd never be able to kill me with an apple...you'd have to poison an eclair or something...