@AndyAsAdjective: Promised myself that today I wouldn't steal anything, kill anyone or use any Meatloaf song lyrics in a sentence & two out of three ain't bad
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@LisaACOTA: Dollar Tree clerk asked me to fill out a survey to maybe win a $500 gift card and I was like I don't need to own a whole dollar store thanks
@FuckabillyRex: Just apologized to my dog for being a crazy person, and I could tell by the way she didn't respond that she's been thinking it for a while.
@EJGomez: me: grandma u cant believe every article on facebook also me:[reads thread on twitter] ok avril lavigne has definitely been dead since 2003