@AndyAsAdjective: Promised myself that today I wouldn't steal anything, kill anyone or use any Meatloaf song lyrics in a sentence & two out of three ain't bad
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@TheRealPacino: President Donald Trump falls to his knees, he clasps the strong bronze tanned hand of Don Corleone, and kisses it;…
@VodkaShorebird: GUY 1: Why can’t we skip rope without society judging us? GUY 2: What if we occasionally beat the crap out of each other? Boxing is born.
@SteveSuckington: Is it still illegal to run someone over with your car if they're wearing camouflage?
@TheBlessMess: Hoping to get "till death do us part" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.