@jeannerbeaner: Pronounce it "Valentimes Day" so Cupid will know to shoot you right in your stupid face.
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@TheBoydP: If you don’t believe in evolution how do you explain such striking similarities between the doughnut and the bagel?
@yobrah_: [describing criminal to sketch artist] His breath smelled like rotten eggs & bad cheese so draw a lot of those smelly lines by his mouth
@timdonakowski: Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish in highly-contaminated water, feed him for a day.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: The Teen Choice Awards air tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren't allowed to vote.