@upsidedowntrash: [pronounces testosterone like macaroni]
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@onion_an: Son: Dad can sand melt? Me putting down my glass: Don't be ridiculous of course it can't
@garrettbarry70: My wife complains that my socks are too big for her but she doesn't care that her bra pinches my back.
@smithsara79: Me: [on a scale] What? How did I gain weight? Friend: Didn't you eat Taco Bell for each meal everyday last week? Me: Uh, yeah, as a *joke*
@EndhooS: [Troy in the olden times] "WTF is that?" A wooden horse "It's not full of soldiers is it?" [from in horse] JUST TAKE IT INSIDE & HAVE A LOOK