@upsidedowntrash: [pronounces testosterone like macaroni]
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@LADaddy: There's an alternate universe where we are together and finally happy. And I probably forgot to take out the trash there, too.
@MattBellassai: alexa has taken my entire family hostage and won’t unlock any of our doors or turn on our lights until we buy a carton of tide detergent pods on amazon
@Bripping_Talls: Studies say people with high IQ are lazy. Of course I didn't read the entire article.
@dmc1138: When I see a piece of gum in the urinal, I think of how painful that piss must've been for that guy.