@TheBoydP: Protip: If you’re bad at geography and someone asks about an obscure country just say “isn't that where the oiled up Olympics guy is from?”
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@comer310: Orange: Knock knock Apple: Who's there? O: Orange A: Orange who? O: Orange you glad I didn't say Banana? A: Yes! That guy is the WORST!
@david8hughes: [giving grandmother's eulogy] But on the plus side, that's the fastest she ever got down the stairs.
@squirrel74wkgn: You know that you're officially lost when you turn down the car radio and take off your sunglasses.