@vapidaccount: ProTip: Make sure heated seats are off before putting your purse on them...lipstick melts.
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@Writepop: In the new Star Wars film, Han Solo goes to Chewbacca's home planet and discovers that all the other Wookies wear pants.
@radtoria: OH MY GOD I FORGOT TO UNPLUG THE TOASTER [flash to dog in sunglasses waiting for his fifth batch of waffles to pop up]
@Lola_Areola: Four year olds can't even go for cigarettes or anything. Four year olds are useless.
@70Ceeks: hungover at 22: dag gonna be 9 minutes late for work at 39: ...finally, to my faithful cat elroy i leave my cache of nagano '98 olympic pins