@vapidaccount: ProTip: Make sure heated seats are off before putting your purse on them...lipstick melts.
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@pakalupapito: isnt it odd how people kill flys just because they’re annoying if people killed people for being annoying i would’ve died like 15 years ago
@Donna_McCoy: *my casket slowly begins lowering into the ground* me, knocking from inside: "Wait, I have to pee."
@mrtruthandsoul: I just lifted a couch to retrieve a Skittle that fell underneath it, so I get you Moms that lift cars to rescue children, I get you.