@TheBoydP: Protip: Never look up from your breakfast if you hear the words "gruesome discovery" coming from your TV on the morning news.
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@CJhooray: "Damn do you have a wizard wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? ;)" *pulls wand from pocket* "I haven't been happy in years"
@BlindChow: *man choking* Is there a doc in the house? *Dr Pepper rises* *searches man's pockets* Hey ur no doctor! *moustache falls off* *it's Mr Pibb*
@imchriskelly: "What charities do you donate to?" "I mostly just leave sunglasses all over the world."
@3sunzzz: Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. ~What is your sin, child? My husband and I are arguing ~That's very common. ...about my boyfriend.