@AsYouNotWish: Proud to announce that I’m still the undefeated champion at racing with drivers who don’t know we’re racing.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@MatCro: [presentation] GUY WITH A COMBOVER NAMED IAN: So that's our plan for the next year. Any questions? ME: Why did you call your combover Ian?
@Sickayduh: I thought I saw Bradley Cooper but it was just every poem ever written formed into a beach sunset with amazing hair
@Jake_Vig: POLICE: POLICE! OPEN UP! ME: My parents never loved me. POLICE: NOT EMOTIONALLY! OPEN THE DOOR! ME: That makes way more sense.
@samalmightysam: The difference between pizza and love is that when the pizza ends it doesn't send you subtweets.