@KingsnorthAP: Prove you're not a robot by typing two words that sounds like they were doodled on a toilet cubicle by a schizophrenic
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@HallpassCanada: My work has this cute thing they do where if you're really good at your job, they get you to do everyone elses too.
@pharmasean: “Say ur a bad girl” I’m a bad girl “oooh yeah, and tell me what bad girls do…” ooh i’m gonna sign up for 3 months of yoga and only go twice
@In_Twittaland: No YOU tried to pet the albino skunk that wandered up from the woods. Related: Never go outside w/out contacts and YES I need a shower.
@PopSlapFunk: *Arrives to save damsel in distress* Me: "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your--" Rapunzel: "I have a boyfriend." Dragon flying by: "BURN!!"