@YeahDrewisOn: Psychoanalysis is just regular analysis performed by one of my exes
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@GoldenSpirals: Walks up in da club like "Has anyone seen my Mom? She'll be the one trying to cover up everyone's cleavage."
@timdonakowski: Me: Siri, did you know millions of people misquote you on Twitter every day? Siri: Tim, I want your polish sausage.