@MrsGoose69: Hubby: "Why don't you ever tell me when you have an orgasm?"
Wife: "I don't want to bother you while you are at work."
@ericsshadow: Doctor: How long have you been in pain?
Women: It started at 7:45am on Monday while I was at work
Men: Sometime between yesterday and 1997
@WheelTod: Me *taking long drag on cigarette: “Kids, funerals aren’t really for the dead you know. They’re for the living”
*2 weeks later
[In church]
Priest: “We are gathered here today to...”
Me *furiously banging on coffin lid: “This is not what I meant!“
@robdelaney: Can't believe I've already spent $500 on mayonnaise this year.
@mellimelle: I spend 90% of my life trying to do the right thing and the other half wondering why I don't understand Math.
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