@leifromloihi: [pulls away from kissing] do you ever pretend nfl players with dreadlocks swinging around under their helmets are predators
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@Jake_Vig: RIDDLER: What has-- BATMAN: A gazebo ROBIN: Matches RIDDLER: Let me finish- BM: A paperweight R: Dental floss RIDDLER: I hate you guys
@EvilHarpy: Man at the dog park: Who's a good girl? WHOSAGOODGIRRRRLLL???? Me: *looks around* *slowly raises hand*
@MatCro: *phone rings* Wife - "Quick! Pretend I'm not in!" Me - *puts lipstick on the dog and watches Sleepless in Seattle* Wife - "....""
@mc_funbags: I'm exactly like Rocky in that, I challenge people to fight while I'm slurring my words.