*puts a picture of Roger Rabbit in a picture frame*
I did it. I framed Roger Rabbit.
You Might Also Like
If you enjoy “naked and afraid”, check the the streaming of my new hit show: barefoot and mildly annoyed
On average, a person spends about 14 years of their life trying to open ketchup packets.
19 is going to my 20 year reunion as me. Now we wait.
SCIENTIST: Let’s name this spider Long Legs, for its long legs
SCIENTIST 2: Hmm not kinky enough
Husband: [shrugs] I just feel sexier when I leave a little landing strip.
Wife: Finish mowing the damned yard.
Don’t worry if you haven’t disappointed anyone today, I’ve disappointed enough people for both of us.
Guy on this bus just congratulated his friend for having a birthday. Indeed, congratulations are in order for this unique accomplishment
Wife: Honey, I’m upstairs!
*undresses on the run like Superman*
Be right up!
*stands naked in doorway*
Wife: Do you remember…
Pam: Hi
if u die of a potassium induced stroke cuz you ate too much fruit, bitch that’s called a bananeurysm
Best table by far
death: it’s your time
me: in my dying era
death: what
me: going ghost mode
death: stop
[at a party] i see u have name brand garbage bags, are u a doctor
At a wedding during the vows, the little flower girl yells out “When is this over?”
She gets it..
Gave my Dad a ouija board so we can keep in touch after he gave my Mom a vacuum for her birthday
Just cleaned out my purse if anyone needs 17 pens or a tooth.
Food was bad, cabins were dirty, everyone but me was gruesomely killed. Liked the paddle boats. 1/2 star. -Yelp review of Camp Crystal Lake
You’re not allowed to make up words. It’s illexical
Someone got friendzoned hard at the Brewers game… 😬
2020 feels like trying to jog while both of your feet are asleep.
I know how to share fries even if others do not. I am a bear.
For a mountain to be called Kilimanjaro, it needs to kill at least 1 manjaro.
Me trying to walk in a dream
I just want to be considered unstable enough to where nobody wants me involved in their pyramid scheme.
WHY WRITERS ARE STARING AT NOTHING
• they’re actually working shh this is the process
• haven’t slept in 19 years so this is a power nap
• hoping a bakery will appear
• just fell down a plot hole and horror is setting in
• about to scream
• any second now
• oh here they go
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“You’ve tried all of them on?”
“This one.”
OFFICER DOWN I REPEAT WE HAVE AN OFFICER DOWN. I’m fine just down for whatever. Dancing or something fun.
snowmen are one of the cutest things about humanity tbh. like oh it snowed? why don’t we make a little guy about it
Thank you, Internet.
Thank you.
“My ex was a great wife, mom & never once complained once about ass to mouth” was apparently not an acceptable speech when she remarried?
“I came in to pick up a book I’d placed on hold and it’s not here anymore!”
“Sorry about that — when did we notify you that the book was here?”
“I don’t know, a few months ago. How long are you supposed to hold things, anyway?”
“Well, definitely less than ‘permanently forever.’”