@68Cly29: Puts fitbit on dogs collar. Throws the ball around. Sits on the couch and eat chips. Wins all the challenges
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@Michabean: My family made a pact that I'm the first to be sacrificed in a zombie apocalypse because I'll slow them down. That's my workout motivation.
@JoParkerBear: Protect your Twitter account from plagiarism by only tweeting things that nobody cares about.
@beefman138: I will never refer to 'drunk me' or 'sober me' because that implies the second one exists.