@68Cly29: Puts fitbit on dogs collar. Throws the ball around. Sits on the couch and eat chips. Wins all the challenges
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@TheMichaelRock: Me: Hey lady, you can't park there. Her: I'm just running into Starbucks. Me: Oh shit, my bad. Laws don't apply to you then.
@HysteriaBarbie: My coworker had a baby. I had a BLT. I think we all know who the real winner is
@Home_Halfway: WIFE: I love you NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON: My experiences with you lead to an increase in dopamine and oxytocin as well
@KateWhineHall: Really, there's no need to ever take your kids anywhere fun because they can just sit and complain at home for a lot less money.