@68Cly29: Puts fitbit on dogs collar. Throws the ball around. Sits on the couch and eat chips. Wins all the challenges
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@ProdigyNelson: [date] Me: *ok don't let her know I'm a bull* Her: "so what are some red flags for you?" Me: *sweating* "haha red flags? Where?"
@Darlainky: Grim Reaper: You know why I'm here. Me: Heavy drinking? Unhealthy diet? Texting and driving? GR: You should've forwarded that chain email.
@Sassafrantz: [texting] ex: your friends were looking at me really strange at the game. me: yeah well I told them you died in a hot air balloon accident.
@WeissBrandon: When I ask my wife if she wants help, she changes the subject and asks if a bear shits in the woods, like I'm some sort of bear scientist.