@realHamOnWry: Putting a light in the refrigerator is God's way of telling us that it's okay to eat before going to bed.
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@PetrickSara: [Married pillow-talk] Husband: What's your deepest fantasy? Me: That when our kids eat dinner they don't leave any crumbs under the table.
@Spaziotwat: [First date] Him:"Waiter!" Waiter:"Sir?" Him:"Could you check the toilets? My date has been gone 2 hours. Also, her coat has been stolen"