@realHamOnWry: Putting a light in the refrigerator is God's way of telling us that it's okay to eat before going to bed.
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@MartinPilgrim1: My top 3 assumptions when doorbell rings: 1. Murderer 2. Police telling me everyone is dead 3. That book I ordered about positive thinking
@pharmasean: [At maternity ward] Me: is this where babies are delivered Nurse: Yes Me: You ought to be ashamed. Babies need their livers
@ChrisScarlette: [being robbed] Me: careful.. I'm ARMED *whips out bible Robber: lol *pulls gun out of bible R: oh *pulls smaller bible out of gun
@Camel_Crushin: Genesis is my favorite rock group who've been around long enough to write a chapter in the bible.