@tealbluejay: Putting clothes on an animal is like putting on an overcoat over your overcoat.
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@Reverend_Scott: [hospital] "The results are in. I'm afraid you have Bad Priorities Disease. You have 1 month to live." But does my hair look good?
@JohnHilsen: Did you know that Mark Zuckerberg and the guy who played the blue Power Ranger are cousins? Just not to each other. But they are cousins.
@realHamOnWry: A good listener always watches you speak, makes eye contact and never lets on he's thinking about something else.