@Jam453Lane: Putting up Christmas decorations was a bad idea. I'm drunk and stuck on top of the house with an inflatable Easter Bunny.
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@SortaBad: "Click to read this man's secret to incredible 6 pack abs!" *click* article: hard work, diet, & exercise me: I have never felt more betrayed
@sammyrhodes: Sometimes you feel like you've grown. Other times you pout for a few hours because your wife accidentally threw away your Tabasco sauce.
@BoozyMusic: My new dentist asked me if I gag easily. "No, I'm a professional," probably wasn't the answer he expected.
@imshitimsorry: lady at table behind me: sometimes babies get gassy. they can't burp so they get mad and cry me, turning around angrily: its not JUST babies