@BriarSly: Question: If a King runs a Kingdom...& an Emperor runs an Empire...
Who runs a country?
@jp_mcdade: (Trying to scream over a construction worker's jackhammer) YOU GUYS MAKIN A BUILDING?
@_youhadonejob1: Drunk octopus...
@Steven37366100: Wife: *spreads picnic beneath large oak tree*
Me: No good
Wife: Why not?
Me: Seems shady
Wife: *attacks me with plastic cutlery*
@Carbosly: Me: My sex life is like your car.
Friend: What? Sleek, performance-inspired, 6-speed, classic & acclaimed?
Me: Nope. Electric powered.
@BBQJones28: I use someone calling me during a phone call as an opportunity to hang up on both of them.