@birbigs: Quit blaming your iPhone. You meant to say "furbenglurbrn."
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@causticbob: Today I learned my laser pointer can go all the way to the bar across the street. Drunk people still think there's a sniper somewhere.
@JediGigi: "JELLYFISH ARE NOT MADE OF JELLY AND ALSO THEY ARE NOT VERY NICE!"--I scream from my swollen mouth
@Jeffwni: Keanu Reeves: THERE'S A BOMB ON THE BUS! IF WE GO UNDER 50MPH WE'LL EXPLODE! Me: [while maintaining eye contact, presses "Next Stop" signal]