@birbigs: Quit blaming your iPhone. You meant to say "furbenglurbrn."
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@ObscureGent: Nobody discretely coughs blood into a handkerchief while wearing a top hat anymore.
@david8hughes: Wife: how much did it cost to rent that bouncy castle? Me: I dunno. Buying it wasn't cheap tho
@TheAlexNevil: Shoulder Devil: So I say "Go on--do it!" And the moron does it! Shoulder Angel: What an idiot! Me: You guys know I can hear you, right?