@krishna_van: Quitting the gym because it's easier, quicker and cheaper to simply invite my friends over for dinner every day and make them fatter than me
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@MakesYouGiggle: Dear people with resolutions, Please bring all your unwanted.. bread, junk food, soda, drugs, and alcohol to my house. Thanks.
@EricGoldie: I politely asked a woman on my flight if she could put her kid in the overhead compartment & she looked at me like I was crazy or something.
@DiamondLou69: It's amazing how fast the first 30 minutes of work just fly by when you show up a half hour late for work.