@krishna_van: Quitting the gym because it's easier, quicker and cheaper to simply invite my friends over for dinner every day and make them fatter than me
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@meatlobes: *waits for you to fall asleep* *rolls out from under your bed* *moisturizes your knees and elbows*
@BGH70: The Golden Globe goes to… Burrito … for best actor in a microwave, with a convincing performance of taking longer than necessary.
@iwearaonesie: [Bar] me: Gimme one more wife: I think you've had enough m: Last one w: Fine m: *asks waitress for another kids menu so I can do the maze*