@saltedmacadamia: R.I.P boiling water, you will be mist.
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@JediGigi: Crying friend: Have you ever had a really bad day? Me: [picking dog hair out of my oatmeal] Can you be more specific?
@timdonakowski: Just bought a set of alphabet magnets for my fridge, so this may very well be my last tweet.
@djdarrellripley: Me: You think you have all the answers but believe me, you need what I have up here.. *points to head* Her: What, half a bottle of mousse?
@vexroid: Her: How in the world did we max out the credit card?? Me: Beats me *pushes $20K worth of Care Bears under the bed