@saltedmacadamia: R.I.P boiling water, you will be mist.
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@TitansHomer: Him: Can you believe what's going on in Egypt? Me: Yeah...it's crazy...I gotta go. Bye. Me: *googles what's happening in Egypt?*
@Up2Long: Beautiful women following me on Twitter is screwing up my perception of who will talk to me in RL. A trip to Walmart should fix that.
@HorribleDancer: Just once, I want someone to kick the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.
@GFGander: People need to learn how to record their name on a voicemail system. "You have one new voicemail from... *heavy breathing* Toooooooddddd"