@saltedmacadamia: R.I.P boiling water, you will be mist.
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@ValeeGrrl: 6yo: ONCE I HAVE CHEST HAIR I'LL BE A MAN & THEN LADIES CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO ANYMORE Husband: *dies laughing*
@coolidiot2000: [doctors exam] "I'm feeling a lump here. Here's another. You have several lumps." -uh oh, what does that mean doc? "it means you're fat"
@pan_opt_icon: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: To propagate authoritarianism and generate revenue for the state? Cop: Besides that.