@saltedmacadamia: R.I.P boiling water, you will be mist.
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@MakesYouGiggle: Interviewer: Why did you apply for this job? Me: Because being broke and homeless didn't really call out to me.
@tweetarded1: My soon to be ex-wife just told me I need to face my demons. nnWTF. I was looking right at her.