@DurtMcHurtt: Raccoons are like hobos, they live outside plus they don't like being shaved while they're eating.
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@TheAlexNevil: If you hear one of the high piano keys repeating slowly, you’re either watching a trailer for a horror movie, or you are a parent.
@Darlainky: If you missed any of the most recent presidential debate, you can catch one side of it on any given Facebook friend's page.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: You're supposed to be taking a nap 4-year-old: I am Me: Then why are you standing here? 4-year-old: Me: 4-year-old: This is a dream