@joejwest: RAFIKI: [lifts Simba over head on Pride Rock]
SIMBA: Put me down I am 32 years old
@ItsAndyRyan: Me: "I can't turn on the shower"
Plumber: "It's seen you naked so often the excitement's gone. Try dressing up"
*Hands over shower cap*
@WheelTod: Make your own bacon by tricking a pig into running headlong through a harp.
@PeaceInTruth1: Coworker: Stop
Me: collaborate and listen
Me: you forget about me
Me: teacher, leave them kids alone
@JakeNicholas: There's a man at the mall wearing cargo pants and a fanny pack, who I believe is in the process of becoming a suitcase.
@SharkJelly: *I cycle off mt Rushmore and fall to my death but my bicycle lands on the end of Lincolns nose and makes a perfect pair of reading glasses*