@joejwest: RAFIKI: [lifts Simba over head on Pride Rock]
SIMBA: Put me down I am 32 years old
@fro_vo: Mission Control: prepare to enter the vacuum of space
Dog Astronaut: wait the what now
@PoliUncorrect: Interviewer: we need someone experienced, this job will break you... Worm: (slowly breaks itself in two while maintaining eye contact)
@drugleaf: the only proof i have that there is a god is that one time i saw a dude in a "Bazinga" shirt get into a car and drive directly into a tree
@EndhooS: "Asphyxiate' would be worth like a million points..." I thought to myself as I lay choking on a Scrabble tile.
@imchriskelly: "What charities do you donate to?"
"I mostly just leave sunglasses all over the world."