@DanielRCarrillo: Raid™: For when you don't want to kill ants, but want to make them late for something.
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@SomthinBoutSara: How do you end an argument with a woman? Tell her to calm down. You're dead now but the argument is over.
@yonewt: In the movies, anyone can hotwire a car in 10 seconds. In real life, it takes me 20 minutes to find the gas flap release on a rental.
@shkeeber: Mom: Why are you eating my flowers? Me: I'm gonna be young FOREVER! Mom: How? Me: Duh, from the stem cells. Mom: I'm worried about you.