@DanielRCarrillo: Raid™: For when you don't want to kill ants, but want to make them late for something.
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@craydrienne: 1. Pick jeans to wear 2. Pull them up to thighs 3. Pants dance for 3 minutes 4. Take pants off 5. Put sweatpants on 6. Cry, eat pumpkin pie
@ariscott: For someone so concerned with marriage licenses, God sure was focused on dinosaurs for 180 million years.
@stonedcoldlazy: Obama just said that no one is listening to our phones..I wonder if he realizes that the LAST thing we do with our phones is make a call!
@Nikkeya08: "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.." Him: Do you have to say that everytime we visit my mom?