@onume_: Ramadan month is exhausting. You have to wait all day to Instagram your food.
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@TommyKarate: Thank you for calling. To speak with a human being, please hang up and travel back to the early 1990's.
@ericsshadow: 7yr old: The Tooth Fairy didn't come last night. *wipes tear* Me: Sorry sweetie, she probably got drunk and passed out on the couch.
@kwirkyKerri: I've never been offered money for sex. Never been offered money to not have sex either. So there's that.