@TheAlexNevil: Ran into an ex-girlfriend. We talked, exchanged info, and she said her "insurance would call" me. Someones still carrying a torch!
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@envydatropic: It's cute how my family thinks I'm playing with fire and I'm just trying to cook them breakfast
@shutupmikeginn: Using the domino's pizza tracker app seems like a great way to carjack someone you know isn't going to put up that much of a fight
@kelkulus: Adding "family" to words sucks out all the fun: Vacation? Family vacation. Car? Family car. Movie? Family movie. Affair? Family affair.
@unravelingfire: Me: Do you like children? Him: Yes, I love them. Me: Good, because I become a huge child when I drink.