@xLiserx: Ran into my ex on the street. He's got a hot wife & 2 kids. I have a taco in my hand. And one in my purse. And an emergency taco in my coat.
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@jwoodham: Hey, Edgar Allen, go ahead and Poe me up another drink! Don't tell me to be quiet, lady! Why are there so many books in this bar?
@fatherofcomedy: They say genius skips a generation.In our case it fell off our family tree and died.
@XplodingUnicorn: Kids: *doing something they shouldn't* Me: Stop or I'll be mad Kids: *keep doing it* Me: Stop or Mom will be mad Kids:*stop immediately*
@Ilovelamp1979: This could be the LSD talking, but I'm pretty sure I'd be more comfortable riding on the roof of the car.