@xLiserx: Ran into my ex on the street. He's got a hot wife & 2 kids. I have a taco in my hand. And one in my purse. And an emergency taco in my coat.
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@thepatrickwalsh: My dad's visiting soon, which means I need to practice apologizing to waiters with my eyes.
@QwertyJones3: "Want to come watch the game Saturday at 8:00?" Well I'm going rollerskating at 1:00, so yeah I should be out of the hospital by then.
@Reverend_Scott: DOCTOR: Push again, the baby is- MOTHER: IS SOMETHING WRONG? DOCTOR: [holding phone] No, I just caught a Jigglypuff up in there.