@Ameiam: Ran into the guy who broke my heart. Totally worth the damage to my car.
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@curlycomedy: At a restaurant I thought a family was praying at the table but then I realized they were all texting.
@goldengateblond: LIFE HACK: Make your waist feel dramatically smaller by accidentally trying on maternity pants.
@IamEnidColeslaw: I stopped going to the beach because people kept mistaking me for a corpse and poking me with sticks
@moooooog35: I don't trust kids as far as I can throw them. Currently my record for trusting a kid is 6 feet 11-1/4 inches.