@minealone6: Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves. Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson about leaving his clothes in the bathroom.
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@fro_vo: Me: I'm bored Dad: hi bored I'm dad Me: I'm hungry Dad: hi hungry I'm dad Me: I'm here's 20 dollars Dad: hi here's 20 dollars Me: thanks dad
@Paxochka: People who say "life doesn't come with a set of instructions" obviously haven't heard of the Kama Sutra.
@QwertyJones3: [Me narrating a documentary on guerrilla warfare] And here's more footage of people, but I'm sure apes will be in this film any minute now..
@abhorrent_wife: The 4 year old thinks a cat's tail is it's underwear because it covers the butthole. I can't really argue with that logic.