@TheAlexP: Rapunzel is my favorite story about a girl who would do anything to have her hair pulled.
@ch000ch: i'm wearing a jetpack to my job interview tomorrow so if they turn me down i can disappoint everyone there by just walking out calmly
@Reverend_Scott: [several months ago]
BEYONCÉ: Kim Kardashian might be having a 3RD baby
JAY-Z: How many we got
JAY-Z: Not a problem
@ConcernedSirGuy: People are like, "How cute! Your dog looks just like you!" I'm like, "That's my son."
@carlyken: I need a career involving less interaction and more pizza.
I've narrowed it down to:
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle
@Spaziotwat: There are eleven types of people in the world: those that understand Roman numerals, and those that don't