@DickKingSmith: Rat warning in Hong Kong is the best rat warning of all time.
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@rickolantern: [courtroom, on witness stand] Prosecuting attny: If you think she's poisoning you, why did you eat it? Me: It was pizza [jury nods, murmurs]
@TwoSapphiresBlu: I crave feet in the sand, a gentle ocean breeze, the sun on my face, and two entirely new presidential candidates.
@GrowlyGrego: [at bar] "Yeah I pulled down a solid 6 figs last year." Whoa that's impressive! "I know, right! Can't believe I got fired by that fig farm."