@kelkulus: Rather than buy a gun, I've been studying "Home Alone" and now defend my home with marbles and old gangster movies.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@MatCro: [office] DAVE: We're having a baby SUE: Congratulations! ME: [suspicious that Dave is a seahorse] Looking forward to the birth, Dave?
@Fred_Delicious: [2 dogs eating dinner] "u know Sharon, that life insurance policy u found me is great" [stops chewing] "why does this taste like chocolate"
@UncleDuke1969: *cocks gun* Me: "Go ahead." Horse: "Just be cool, man." Me: "DRINK." Horse: "No problem. It's just a stupid expression."