@TheAlexNevil: Read a magazine at the doctor's office so I'm all caught up on Clinton running for president. I don't think Bush can beat him.
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@dxblarssonENG: Teenage daughter called me an old fart. We both laughed and then I changed the password to our wifi.
@krisv_723: Birds do it & no one bats an eye. One time I shit on a windshield & suddenly it's arrests & psych evaluations.
@gorrdano: McDonalds employees get so cranky when you perform the entire dance routine to Britney Spear's "I'm a slave for you" before ordering.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Not saying you're shady but there is a family of squirrels gathered around your ankles.