@deathoftheparty: read this from top to bottom to discover just how much movement your eyebrows are capable of
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@dafloydsta: [on Dating Game] HER: Contestant 1, what are you wearing? [I glance at the stains on my shirt] ME: *lips on mic* Looks like gravy, Diane.
@Tdf41: I've been to Iraq twice and Afghanistan once. Still not as scary as my ex's number popping up on my phone this morning.
@ScobeyWanKenobi: The best part about being thirty is that I'm finally old enough to play a high schooler in movies.