@TheDairylandDon: Real men don't need guns. One time I beat a burglar to death with a sleeve of Ritz crackers and used the crumblings for a casserole crust.
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@ClichedOut: Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the whole truth, so help you God? Me: Yes, unless she asks me if she looks fat.
@KenJennings: If you're American & I ever hear you use the word "whilst," this I swear: you will not live to see the 3rd season of Sherlock.