@daemonic3: Really want to try out a career in tracing, or something along those lines.
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@TheCiscoKidder: Sorry I unfollowed you on Instagram, but you take at least 10 pics of your face everyday. I don't even look at my wife that much.
@novicefather: Shoutout to that one time I confused narcolepsy and necrophilia during a job interview.
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: You only half-listen to me. You're in a boatload of trouble. Me: Yes, let's buy a boat.
@ericonederful: I finally had the talk with my kids. I told them that in the wild animals eat their young so they better get their shit together.