@ImaFlyontheWall: Receptionist: So you're here about your carpal tunnel huh..fill out these 20 forms and press hard so the copies are clear
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@TheBoydP: [Heaven] Saint Peter: Welcome to the pearly gates! You’re here early; you must be dying to get in! LOL Me: Too soon…
@Maxine12333: Friend said I was becoming antisocial. Ridiculous. You build one little moat and people jump to hasty conclusions.
@abrianmc: I covered my gf with dough and raisins and put her in the oven to annoy her. Hell hath no fury like a woman sconed
@Fred_Delicious: *Paul Walker shouts down from the gates of heaven* "YO DID I GET A MILLION LIKES ON FACEBOOK? THEY WON'T LET ME IN WITHOUT A MILLION LIKES"