@bingowings14: Reduce your kids intake of sugary, fizzy drinks by shaking up the can before handing it to them.
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@PaperWash: Can I go out and do drugs tonight dad? EXCUSE ME?! *sighs* MAY I go out and do drugs tonight dad *snaps newspaper* that's better
@rogerbellin: future historians will point to this and ask how we didn't see the third world war coming
@RoosterMustache: ME: look a possum HER: actually it's spelled opossum ME: you don't no how I spelled it, we're talking HER: actually it's spelled know
@CulturedRuffian: Sounds painful and this is the weirdest pick up line ever. Can I just pay for my stuff and leave? Mmm-k, Thanks.