@TheNardvark: Refrigerator ice dispensers are perfect for those times when you need either zero or 5000 ice cubes.
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@DirtMcTurd: [Hospital front desk] "Yeah my wife is here for weight loss surg-" *wife hits me* "Baby delivery, I mean she's here to deliver a baby"
@Eightinchgoat: You're right, strange woman giving me your opinion on having tattoos. I regret them right now because they caused you to talk to me.
@TheAlexP: She said "you look like trouble"...so I nudged her down the stairs, because I don't like people falling short of their expectations.