@TheNardvark: Refrigerator ice dispensers are perfect for those times when you need either zero or 5000 ice cubes.
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@FrenulumBreve: BOSS: I'm sorry I just don't trust your judgment. ME: [trying to pick up glass of water with both fists wedged in Pringles tubes] explain..
@RunJeffreyRun: I just saw a guy with the Monster energy logo tattooed on his neck, so if your village is missing their idiot, we have him.
@SweetestSarcasm: If you love someone... Bury them in your backyard so no one can find them. Then you'll have them FOREVER! *looks out window & smiles*
@Danny_McH2O: Kids, no one will ever understand you like your high school love. Get pregnant and marry them right away. You know better than everyone.