@TheNardvark: Refrigerator ice dispensers are perfect for those times when you need either zero or 5000 ice cubes.
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@JermHimselfish: Kids today will never know the horror that would come from seeing a payphone start ringing suddenly in the middle of the night.
@thatUPSdude: I heard someone say their podcast was on "hiatus", guess that sounds better than "my mom took away my laptop".
@vapidaccount: ProTip: Make sure heated seats are off before putting your purse on them...lipstick melts.
@MomOfTeen: Me: I need to lose my baby weight. Diet coach: Awww, how old is your youngest? Me: Thirteen.