@QwertyJones3: Relationship status: I'm about to go put on my camouflage pants so my family can't find me on the couch.
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@PhoenixRises69: iPhone 5s fitted with fingerprint recognition. I'll sleep easier knowing that if my phone gets stolen, they'll likely chop off my hand too.
@Chumpstring: [ER] ME: [scared] well? DOCTOR: ur ok M: so it was just a dream D: o no ur body is filled with lizards but ur system is accepting them
@Snotgun: I've conditioned myself to only poop at work. Now my bathroom smells great but I can't take more than 2 days off w/o terrible constipation.