@QwertyJones3: Relationship status: I'm about to go put on my camouflage pants so my family can't find me on the couch.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 6-year-old: What if dementors attack our house? Me: They can't get in. 6: Why not? Me: My patronus is a screaming toddler.
@pregnant_cat: Hi I'm Dan, welcome to identity theft club *from back of room "me too" "me too!" "uhhh, yeah me too" Ok, we're off to a great start guys
@AristotlesNZ: A guy once told me life's too short to stress, but it turned out that life's much shorter for people who give advice to stressed out people.
@Sorrowscopes: Gemini: You may find yourself wondering if you're dreaming or not. A simple test is to punch a cop in the face.