@QwertyJones3: Relationship status: I'm about to go put on my camouflage pants so my family can't find me on the couch.
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@KingsnorthAP: Starbucks, where 11 members of staff frantically do things behind the counter, yet not one of these things appears to resemble a hot drink
@BoogTweets: Me: *looks back at two sets of foot prints in the sand* Why didn’t you carry me back there? Jesus: You were stress eating during those times and got kind of umm… *holding arms out* you know… *puffs out cheeks*
@JohnLyonTweets: Interviewer: [looking through file] Are you still disruptive at nap time? Me: Wow, they weren't kidding about that permanent record thing.
@DILLONFRANCIS: My mom has been trying to forward me an email since Monday June 23rd.....it's now Friday June 27th.... still no email