@QwertyJones3: Relationship status: I'm about to go put on my camouflage pants so my family can't find me on the couch.
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@sarcasticmommy4: My family went camping & left me home alone, like I'd be missing out. Oh please, don't leave me home with electricity & running water.
@briangaar: Whenever people are like "We need to restore traditional values to this country" I assume they mean slavery and burning witches at the stake
@shatty48: Don't ever look away from a police officer. Just stare him down. You don't wanna look suspicious.
@stockejock: Grandma, stop asking people what they're supposed to be for Halloween-this is Walmart.