@QwertyJones3: Relationship status: I'm about to go put on my camouflage pants so my family can't find me on the couch.
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@robfee: Hi I was calling about the $300/hour part time job I read about in a sexy ad I saw on an illegal torrent site. Are you guys still hiring?
@Kyle_Lippert: Me: Hey. Nice Honda. Him: It's an Acura. Me: All Asian cars look alike. Him: You're racist. Me: I bet your Toyota is good at math.
@weinerdog4life: The cops said 911 was for emegencies only and not for me to report suspicious looking clouds.
@WilliamAder: My wife is visiting her mother this weekend, so the cat and I are smoking cigars and playing poker.