@buhsbaby_baby: Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.
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@whatmaddness: Two raccoons reach into a moonlit bag of trash. A moment! Their paws meet. They lock eyes. They hiss and scratch the shit out of each other.
@valerie_tosi: Homeless dude asked me for $10. Thought it was greedy but realized that we were standing outside Whole Foods. Totally legitimate request.
@ImaFlyontheWall: Me: I'm sorry Aquaman, but talking to fish just isn't a super power. Aquaman: oh yeah? *squints* a dolphin scoots to my car and shits on it