@buhsbaby_baby: Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.
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@realHamOnWry: I'm still not sure how the church expects me to do all that kneeling and standing and praying on just that one little wafer they feed you.
@vineyille: [screaming over sirens] I SAID ACTUALLY YOU'RE NOT "FIGHTING" THE FIRE YOU'RE WATERING IT
@WiseguyPictures: "I feel like I got off on the wrong foot." - Star of a foot fetish flick criticizing his performance
@AngelaEhh: Why are people giving something up for lint? I'm sweeping that shit up every day if you want some more.