@breatheandlove: Relationship status: my period comes more often than I do.
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@AmishPornStar1: Interviewer: Why should we hire you? Me: Well, if you hire me, I will make all of your other employees look FANTASTIC by comparison.
@Mehrwane: Facebook: You have more friends on Facebook than you think. Me: You have higher expectations than you think.
@pakalupapito: dont judge a person by the color of their skin or by the content of their character but by the shape of their eyebrows
@jennifereblue: I don't remember all of last night but the fact I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome!