@BuckyIsotope: RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Praying for telemarketers to call so I can experience human contact as I slowly dissolve into dust
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@gagging: Michael Jackson breaks into WALMART. He only steals lotion. Turning to the security camera he whispers "smooth criminal" and moonwalks away
@hipchkk: Last night my mom made dinner, serving up a nice plate of "You had so much potential" with a steaming side of "You shoulda married Jeff."
@Amiigat: When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.
@JohnHilsen: Crazy but true: Over 80 percent of twins seperated at birth have the same exact birthday.