@ruraljules: Relationship status~ Siri saw my browser history & now she isn't talking to me either
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@TheBoydP: The old saying about pissed off waiters applies to everyone really. I’m fairly certain the guy at Home Depot just spit on my mulch.
@NickBossRoss: "Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Actually I think it was when you hit me with your car-" "WE GOT AN ANGEL OVER HERE!"
@TwatWaffler69: Wife: "they're disgusting, they carry diseases, they eat garbage!" Me: are we talking about your parents, raccoons, or the kids?
@murrman5: [her thinking to herself in the restaurant] he seems nice and normal [me thinking to myself] she let the waiter twist her pepper 8 twists??