@ruraljules: Relationship status~ Siri saw my browser history & now she isn't talking to me either
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@DillDoes: *rubs lamp* Genie: "you get three wishes" Me: "I wish I wasn't so alone" Genie: "k wow I'm like right here"
@robdelaney: Pretty cool that the letters "B.J." stand for the two greatest things in the world: beef jerky & Billy Joel.
@Sickayduh: Her: Ok, on 3 lets,say what movie our marriage is most like. 1.. 2.. 3 *simultaneously* Her: THE NOTEBOOK Me: SHAWSHANK REDEMPTIONOTEBOOK
@cepheusjackson: ME: *brings my mom to a knife fight* MOM: *shouting* use your words! MOM: *chasing knife fighters away with a broom* I know your mothers!