@animaldrumss: Rembrandt was unsurpassed in his ability to depict light and shadow in his works, until the camera came out. then he got insanely surpassed
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@DanMentos: Q. Why are ghostbusters afraid of bridges over small rivers? A. Because they're not supposed to cross the streams
@ZachWeiner: "How do you speak with an American accent?" "Well, imagine vowels killed your parents, and you're out for revenge."
@Douchekevin: Wife said she was 'retaining water' and I said I'd wondered who drained the swimming pool. Been 4 days and I'm still hiding in the attic