@animaldrumss: Rembrandt was unsurpassed in his ability to depict light and shadow in his works, until the camera came out. then he got insanely surpassed
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@Underchilde: [As a tornado destroys their home] Wife: You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. Husband: I really miss Baywatch.
@3sunzzz: I love showering with my husband. There's nothing more intimate during sex than discussing water temperature.
@Parkerlawyer: Before you call me, ask yourself, “Can I text it?” Before you text me, ask yourself, “Can I email it?” Before you email me, ask yourself, “Can I just think it really, really hard?”