@androszr: Remember not to laugh at your ex wife's choices. You were one of them.
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@Scdavis24: They say milk is good for your teeth. You know what else is good for your teeth? Minding your own damn business.
@Ristolable: [pitch meeting] Okay so it's a ton of dogs. Dalmatians. 100 of 'em. I call it "100 Dalmatians." [idea man pipes in] Let's think bigger
@robdelaney: Why aren't these people with Ebola doing the ice bucket challenge? Don't they want to get better?
@matt___nelson: Shoe store employee on phone w/ wife: "Yea honey I should be home just in time for dinner" *centipede walks in* "You've got to be kiddin me"